we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
