I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
