I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
