I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
