I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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