from now on my penis is your penis
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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