I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
