he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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