Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
