When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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