I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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