his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
