Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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