Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
