i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
