in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
