i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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