Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's official drugs can't kill me
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He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
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My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
sex in a hospital.. check
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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