I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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