Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
