ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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