I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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