No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
