I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
