I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
