Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
