I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
