Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
