my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
