I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my being single is dangerous.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
