And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
