I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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