did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
