Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
