When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
