We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
