K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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