so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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