I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
