Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
