Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize