Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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