Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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