He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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