fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
