Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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