So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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