i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
