i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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