last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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