I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
