It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize