I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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