She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
