just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize