sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
