One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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