Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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