That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
