i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I need moral support for this bender
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
