help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
