and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
