thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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