We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Randomize
