I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
