Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
