u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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