his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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