come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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